Use this process to STOP being emotionally reactive

Hey guys. It's Josh here.

Today we're gonna talk about ​how to process your emotions so you don't keep doing dumb shit.​

I make these blogs and videos with ideas and concepts that are present in my consciousness.

I don't try to force them too much and I'm not trying to have too much control over the strategy or what I'm going to make at any given time.

I just allow the ideas to emerge from my experience in life and I tend to make this educational content purely based off what is present for me at the time.

There's a lesson in this that you might not understand, but one that's very important for processing emotions.

What people tend to do with their emotional experience is they tend to control it or fight against it or resist it.

This never works and only adds more pressure and suffering.

​Use this process to STOP being emotionally reactive​

The Problem with Control and Avoidance

People tend to avoid talking about certain things in life.

For example, some people tend to avoid talking about the things they have shame around or the things that they have guilt around because they don't wanna bring other people down or be "negative".

So they avoid those things that are "negative" and they only talk about things that are "positive".

You see this so often in men especially... men who suppress their emotions and are really suppressing their experience.

They do it generally because they don't wanna "bring anyone down", you'll hear things like, "Oh, I don't want to talk about that," or, "We don't need to go into that," or, "Don't worry about it".

They try to cut off a part of the experience that they're having and they do it through some warped sense of nobility.

It's like, "I'm not gonna talk about it 'cause I don't wanna bring other people down."

But what it's actually doing is being dishonest and withholding certain aspects of the truth of what they are experiencing.

This is called emotional suppression.

And if it goes unchecked, it can lead to addictions, it can lead to relationship breakdowns, it can lead to health issues and it can even lead to suicide.

It can be a real downward spiral and it all starts with suppressing the experience that you're having and trying to control the experience that your having instead of allowing yourself to have the experience.

The Cost of Controlling the Emotional Experience

I see this so often with the people I work with. People generally come to work with me because they have anxiety.

So let's talk about anxiety.

Again, people wanna avoid the experience of anxiety.

They're often trying to avoid symptoms, they're trying to resist it, they're trying to control it or they're trying to fight against it.

They're saying, "I don't want that experience and I only want this experience of being calm or happy" or whatever it is.

But that is not how you will overcome your anxiety. 

You need to STOP forcing, controlling, and resisting and START accepting, allowing, and flowing with life.

Just like I make these blogs and videos in a flow of consciousness.

You need to learn to live with this flow of consciousness because that is how you will stop suppressing your emotions, and when you stop suppressing your emotions, you start to feel lighter, you start to feel clearer, you start to feel free.

The Link Between Honesty and Emotional Freedom

It comes back to a conversation around honesty because people will often tell me that they want to be communicating clearly and openly, they wanna be strong speakers, confident speakers, and yet they can't even be open about their experience in life.

Being a strong speaker, being someone who's confident, being someone who can process your emotions means that you need to be someone who has the ability to allow and accept the full spectrum of your emotional experience.

Addictions and the Avoidance of Feeling

Now, let me just give another example which is about addictions because people who have addictions... let's just say they're smoking weed or they're drinking alcohol or something like that, those substances are making them feel peaceful, happy, joy.

So they're associating these substances with those feelings and they like those feelings.

They wanna have those feelings, those are nice feelings to have. And so what they're doing is they're doing these substances to get to that feeling.

At the same time, they're using them to get away from the negative feelings that they don't want, like the boredom or the shame or the feeling of being anxious or depressed.

They're trying to avoid those "negative" feelings and they're trying to only have the "positive" feelings.

That's not how being a human works. 

As a human, you have a full range of emotions and if you wanna feel more peace and happiness and joy and love, you actually need to learn how to feel the other end of the spectrum as well.

Because if you're constantly trying to avoid that negative aspect of your life, what you're actually going to do is you're actually gonna bring more of that... 

What You Resist, Persists

I was just talking to a client about this today. 

He was telling me, "I don't wanna talk about these things because I don't wanna bring you down or I don't wanna bring anyone else down."

But then what happens when when you suppress a certain part of your experience, you keep it kind of stuck in you.

Emotion is energy in motion, so your emotions determine your energy. 

So when you are trying to suppress a certain emotion, you're trying to suppress this energy, it actually starts to build up in your system.

When you suppress these emotions, that suppression ends up leading you to drugs, alcohol or other forms of coping.

In my clients case, it was all of the above and that also ends up building up anger, resentment andfrustration inside.

This ends up with anger problems and next minute, he's blowing up.

So he wants to avoid making others feel bad, but he ends up being having these aggressive blowups.

So you can see, he's trying to avoid that experience 'cause he's trying to be nice, but in the end, he actually ends up with more of that experience and in a more extreme case.

The Cycle of Resistance and Avoidance

Now this is applicable for pretty much everyone. 

What you try to resist or avoid will only come back with more force.

So that's why it's not about trying to avoid those experiences, but it's about taking responsibility for your experience.

He also said, he doesn't wanna be someone who's constantly complaining or constantly bringing others down.

When it comes to complaining, what you'll notice is that you will complain because you will put the blame on someone else.

When you stop blaming others and you start taking responsibility for your experience, that is when you will stop complaining because you are taking responsibility for your experience.

Responsibility and Ownership

This applies to your emotions as well. Instead of avoiding them, you take responsibility for them, you take ownership of them, you take ownership of your experience.

And when you do that, that is when you will be able to process your emotions easily.

That is when you will be able to speak confidently and clearly, because you're not in your head trying to figure out how to say the right thing, but you're just saying whatever the thing is that is present and on your mind.

Flow, Presence, and Acceptance

I've made over 200 videos on Youtube now and I never use a script.

I just speak and I just allow the words to come out. And people need to learn how to do this with their emotions.

You don't necessarily need to allow your emotions to come out in a way where you're just seeking validation, but you need to allow them to be present and you need to allow yourself to come into a state of acceptance with them so that you can process them internally without reacting to them.

Because when you start reacting, that's when there's a problem. You don't need to react.

You can actually process your emotions by allowing and accepting your emotions in the first place, not trying to avoid them.

And by realizing there's nothing wrong with them, it's perfectly okay and normal for you to feel the full spectrum of emotions.

And when you actually give yourself permission to do that, you will find that you will actually start having less of those negative emotions and you'll have more positive emotions 'cause you'll be in a state of acceptance.

The Power of Neutrality

Being in a state of acceptance and neutrality is actually a much higher state of consciousness than, avoidance, anxiety or constantly worrying about what you're experiencing.

Instead, when you come up to a place of neutrality and acceptance, it's a much higher level of consciousness, you'll find that you're actually feeling a lot more peaceful, a lot more happy, and a lot more present.

Applying This to Your Life

So, how do you actually take all of this and apply it to your own life?

Well, something like a simple morning meditation practice where you practice sitting with yourself, you practice sitting with your thoughts, you practice sitting with your emotions, you just observe all of it happening without being too attached to it.

You focus on your breathing, you focus on being present and centered in your body.

And if you can do that over time, you're gonna start really rewiring your neural pathways. 

You'll start regulating your nervous system, and over time, you'll notice you have a full reset mind, body, and spirit.

If you wanna see how I've helped hundreds of people do this, ​here's a link to check out my Mind Launch Method.​

It's a three-step process: reprogram the mind, regulate the nervous system, and reset your life.

Go check it out. 

Thanks for reading and I want you to know...

You got this.

With Optimism,

Josh

P.S. I also have a ​free trauma healing framework on my website here​, it's great for processing specific emotional triggers!