How I Healed My Trauma & Fixed My Marriage

I met my wife in January 2022, she got pregnant in April, we got married in November and then we had our first child, a beautiful little girl, in December 2022.

Needless to say, 2022 was a wild year for us.

Then in 2023, things started to settle down but they also ramped up in another way.

My wife was struggling with postpartum depression, we wanted to create a life where she was able to be a stay at home mum and I became the sole income provider.

I had been running a business but it was only in the early days so I really needed to lock in during 2023 to scale it up so I could support the family properly.

During 2023 I had a lot of emotional triggers and trauma coming to the surface.

It started with me being controlling around money and then getting frustrated when my wife would spend money.

We weren’t earning heaps of money back then and I was having these strong emotional reactions whenever the subject of money would come up.

I had trouble controlling my emotions and I didn’t really know how to deal with them during that period of time.

I knew I wasn't behaving like the man, husband and father that I wanted to be and I knew it was up to me to get these emotional triggers under control.

So I started looking for help.

I found a coach to work with and learned some incredible tools for healing.

In this blog, I want to share with you one of those tools so you can use it in your own life.

Let’s dive into it.

This is a practical step-by-step system you can use whenever you notice heightened emotions or emotional triggers taking over.

You can apply it to any area of your life whether it be money, relationships, business, health or anything else where you think you might have mental limitations.

It’s an incredible tool to learn and keep in your back pocket.

I used it every time I feel "stuck" or in a heightened emotional state.

I suggest you get out a pen and paper for this one.

Shifting Emotional Patterns

Step 1. Identify the recurring pattern

Get clear and specific about the actual experience that you want to shift.

Q. What is the experience you continue having that you don’t want to be having?

Q. What’s the recurring pattern?

For example for me, it was “when my wife spends money, I get frustrated”

Again, self awareness is important here. You have to be honest with yourself.

Step 2. Find the attachment

There’s going to be something you think you want or need that’s keeping you from feeling the way you want to feel.

You can find out what that attachment is by filling in the blanks of this sentence: 

• When I have ___________, I will finally feel __________

For example, back in 2023 when I was trying to grow my business, my attachment was:

“When I am earning over $10,000/month, I will finally feel good enough”

So because I wasn’t earning that amount of money at that time, when my wife was spending money, I was being triggered by this feeling of “not being good enough”.

This is just my example, what came up for you?

Step 3. Uncover the subconscious

We’re starting to get deeper into the subconscious mind now.

This might not make logical sense for you and you probably won’t consciously identify with this subconscious mentality but stick with it.

When you look at your pattern from Step 1 & Step 2, ask yourself this question.

Q. Does this feel more like a victim mentality or a people-pleasing mentality?

If you look at your patterns subjectively, almost like you’re looking at it from the third-person view, does your pattern feel more like a victim pattern or a people-pleaser pattern?

For me, back in 2023, it felt like a people-pleaser pattern.

“When I’m earning $10k/mo, I’ll finally be good enough and I’ll finally be able to provide”

“Because I’m not earning that now, it means I’m not good enough and I can’t provide”

This was triggering a deep wound of not being good enough from the past which was creating the emotional triggers I was experiencing in the present 

This is an important point to clarify: Any emotions you experience in your present life which are high on the scale (e.g. 8/10+) are linked to suppressed emotions from earlier in your life.

Step 3.5 Dig deeper

Now when you think about Steps 1,2 & 3, ask yourself this question:

Q. When did I feel a similar way earlier in my life?

Take some tme to connect with your intuition (your body and your heart) when you answer this question.

The answer might not come to mind immediately but if you sit with it and try to “think from your heart” instead of “thinking from your head”, you’re going to have some thought popping into your head.

These thoughts might not make “sense” logically but trust the thoughts and memories that are coming to your mind are the right thoughts and memories to address.

Action: Use the meditation in this section of the video to heal the inner child memory that comes up here.

Step 4. Create a new identity

Now that you’ve done the “hard part”, it’s time to shift into your desired state of being.

If your old identity was the victim or the people-pleaser, who would you like to be moving forward?

Create a new image of the kind of person you want to be.

Q. Who do you want to be moving forward?

Q. What kind of person do you want to be?

Paint a clear picture of who you want to become.

For example, back in 2023, I wanted to be a confident and abundant entrepreneur. I wanted to be a present and loving husband and father. I wanted to feel at peace with money.

Create an image in your mind of who you want to be.

Step 5. Connect to your heart

Take your hand on your heart and take a deep breath.

Take another deep breath and connect to your heart.

Repeat this mantra and fill in the blank with whatever word comes up for you: 

• When I connect to my heart, I finally feel ______

In step 2, you had an attachment to something outside your control which left you feel lacking.

In step 5, you’re connecting to something within your control which helps you feel abundant.

Step 6. Integration

Final step.

Now that you’ve gone through this system and have had some new insight, what can you do to integrate this experience into your life?

Q. What’s 1 thing you can START doing to help integrate this new identity into your life?

Q. What’s 1 thing you can STOP doing to help shift the old emotional pattern?

Make a commitment to do what you need to do moving forward!

If you want more help, guidance and accountability to heal your trauma, money wounds and relationships, here’s how I can help…

1. Join the Mind Launch Membership where you’ll get access to our full Healing Series, the Anxiety to Alignment course, coaching calls and more!

2. Hire me as your private 1:1 coach for personalised support and bespoke mentorship by booking an introductory 15-min clarity call.

I look forward to helping you out!

With Optimism,

Josh